New Year Resolutions 2013


Okay, it’s New Year’s Day and it’s time for some resolutions,
but I’ve given up making them, I just need some solutions.
I have absolutely no more room in my house for more “stuff”,
and I’ve tried to downsize, but obviously not hard enough.
So this year, I’ll throw away something every single day,
never mind how much I had to pay, or how I’d like it to stay.
As I didn’t use it, play it, wear it or eat it last year,
if I threw it away tomorrow, I should not shed a tear.

There is no hope at all for comfort hoarding squirrels like me,
over the years I’ve been bent on building up collections, you see.
When will I ever again use all my Cornish pottery?
I could perhaps save it all for when I win the lottery,
and buy myself a second-hand gift shop somewhere in Cornwall.
I could then hang all my dozens of pictures up on the wall,
and display my collections of paperweights, china and glass,
and all my old fashioned ornaments, silver, copper and brass.
They are out of vogue so no-one would buy them, I’m very sure,
but at least I could sit in comfort there and admire them some more!

Then there’s my eclectic music collection – it’s very vast,
not that I’ve equipment to play some of it – that didn’t last.
I’ve got forty fives, even seventy eights, vynyl and tapes,
and I’ve duplicated most of them with CD’s – better shapes.
But do I ever play them? No, I can’t be bothered to stop.
I just listen to radio or play Itunes on my laptop.

Now what about all my clothes? Will I ever be a size ten?
I hardly think that I will ever be wearing that size again!
So why do I keep all my size ten ‘eighties bright coloured jeans?
If I ever shrink that much, I think I’d be looking for other means
of dressing my small withered half-starved body of the future,
I’ve tried to lose weight – diets, hypnosis and acapuncture.
But there’s only one thing that’s ever likely to make me small,
I think it is best for me to not eat anything at all!

But in my store cupboard there are so many food provisions,
I could survive a ten year war and all its prohibitions.
I have lentils, pulses and pastas of every size and weight,
I hardly dare to look to see if any are out of date.
Just in case there is a war, I have bought lots of food in tins,
and packet mixes so I can satisfy my other sins.
So in twenty thirteen, I am going to eat them all up,
and use my best napkins, crystal glasses and bone china cup.

Now I’m going to buy a lottery ticket, in case I win
and I can buy somewhere to store all the fruits of my worst sin.
But if I do not win, I can throw that ticket in the bin!
Oh no I can’t, I forgot, I buy the ticket now on line
so instead, I will have to throw away something else of mine,
perhaps chucking out the remains of my turkey will be fine!

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